today is wednesday, and this is where i am...

yet again, here i go trying to keep a blog and actually keep up with it...we'll see how long it lasts this time.

this is my year. and if it's not, i'm going to make it my year.

i'm about to turn 28. i have the most amazing one year old boy in the world. i have a husband whom i love and love to make silly faces at. we are not perfect and i am certainly not perfect but we make it work. we've been married for a little over five years now and showing no signs of stopping. that in itself is more than i could ask for.

my day to day consists of mothering, cleaning and keeping up the house and crafting of some kind. i intend to eventually sell said crafts but in reality i will probably just end up with a bunch of stuff because i lack follow through. it's my cross to bear and i'm not ashamed to admit it. i have all the best intentions in the world, but like this blog...i get distracted and forget to finish.

rocco (my little guy) is thriving. he will be 14 months next week and he is turning into quite the tiny human. i couldn't have asked for a better baby and no one hesitates to tell me so. he walks but doesn't have words yet, which is the most frustrating aspect in our relationship but i know he'll be talking all too soon and then the real fun will start and i'll be begging for the days when all he could do was point at the things and make mouth noises.

jason (the husband) works close to seventy hours a week, sometimes more and sometimes less. it's stressful on both of us and takes it's toll on our relationship and his relationship with rocco but i think he does the best job he can at juggling everything and i'm grateful to have a husband who will work his ass off so that i can stay home and give our son all the attention he needs.

did i mention that my husbands nineteen year old brother lives with us? because he does. and THAT is a whole other can of worms.

another thing you should know about me is that i am a big ol' fattie. i say this in the kindest of ways to myself. it's the biggest struggle in my life and by struggle i mean i have cleaned out a half a dozen donuts in one sitting and then berated myself for it because i'm so guilty. i don't eat because i LOVE food (though i do love it) and i don't eat emotionally, i'm a boredom eater which for a southern housewife is the WORST category of eater.

in the last month i resolved to quit smoking, which i have done, cold turkey. no big. and i started a supervised weight loss program that i had to quit after two weeks because the restrictive diet was not only turning me diabetic but also making me weak and causing my limbs to go numb. my sister recently had gastric bypass and swears it's the bee's knees but surgery freaks me out so i refuse to go there until a last resort, which means i'm almost there.

in the meantime i'm giving a real shot to diet and exercise, something i've never done seriously before. i got myself a ymca membership and downloaded a calorie tracker to my phone and now i'm on the high road to weight loss! i hope. this is no longer me wanting to be skinny jenkins so that i can stop looking at myself and trying to find things i still find attractive. this has become a matter of health most importantly and also me not wanting to be the fat mom at the park sitting on her ass unable to chase after her kids. i refuse to have my son be ashamed of me or embarrassed by me no matter how much he loves me.

so, today is wednesday, and this is where i am...i wonder where i will be tomorrow.