slacking, it's what i do.
i went on vacation for 5 days so i cannot entirely be held responsible.
rocco loved being with brayden and the family but the beach itself, not so much. i had a great time myself, i wish i had gotten a bit more sand time but it was pretty chilly and wet and i don't do either of those things, especially not when combined.
i returned to the gym today and started back on eating the right things. i did so many bad things on vacation and now i'm trying to get my body right again.
losing weight is hard and complicated.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
sunday, i have claimed it as my day of rest too...
last night i had every single intention of going to the gym this morning, but when i got up my body told me different. i suppose it's all well and fine though...i too shall claim sunday as my day of rest. what it really is is yesterday i pushed myself very hard doing 45 minutes of calisthenics and i'm more sore today than i can ever remember being. i don't care though if i'm still sore tomorrow, i'm getting my ass up and going to the gym before i have to go babysit.
so i'm spending the day lounging and i'm going to try to get some sewing done. also, i got to sleep in which was amazing!
so i'm spending the day lounging and i'm going to try to get some sewing done. also, i got to sleep in which was amazing!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
today is saturday, just so you know...
let me start this days entry off by bragging a little bit:
yesterday my mom and i spent an entire day without either of us raising our voices once! there was courtesy and laughing and smiling and even a kiss goodbye at the end. and for anyone who does not know, that is crazy and simply does not happen.
another bit of bragging: i went to the doctor a week ago and when i was weighed i was at 331. and now i am at 324. altogether in the last three weeks i have lost 15lbs. and i am on fire! three days ago i sewed myself a shirt made of lace and it was very tight around my middle. last night i put it on and i had extra room. in just two days the difference in my stomach is remarkable, so remark i shall. i'm heading out the gym here in just about a half an hour after i get rock cleaned up from breakfast.
yesterday i spent the day with my mom and grama, we went to breakfast and babies-r-us and i had to run by the doctors office to get some blood work done. then we went back to my house and they watched the babe while i went to the gym for a few hours. i had a really nice long workout without being rushed and it felt amazing. after i took my grama home i cooked dinner and then my mom started teaching me how to cut out a pattern and grow it to my current size. i'm making a few dresses to wear this spring and take to the beach with me next week.
all in all it's been a productive week and i'm so proud of myself i can't begin to express it. i never imagined i could do all of this, not to mention i've started getting up at 7:30 every morning so i can make jason some coffee before work and cook breakfast for my lo.
please god, don't let me fall back into my lazy old habits. that is all.
p.s. i have a counseling appointment on tuesday with a woman who specializes in wellness and weight issues and also will do family counseling with my mom and i and i am crossing my fingers that i really like her.
yesterday my mom and i spent an entire day without either of us raising our voices once! there was courtesy and laughing and smiling and even a kiss goodbye at the end. and for anyone who does not know, that is crazy and simply does not happen.
another bit of bragging: i went to the doctor a week ago and when i was weighed i was at 331. and now i am at 324. altogether in the last three weeks i have lost 15lbs. and i am on fire! three days ago i sewed myself a shirt made of lace and it was very tight around my middle. last night i put it on and i had extra room. in just two days the difference in my stomach is remarkable, so remark i shall. i'm heading out the gym here in just about a half an hour after i get rock cleaned up from breakfast.
yesterday i spent the day with my mom and grama, we went to breakfast and babies-r-us and i had to run by the doctors office to get some blood work done. then we went back to my house and they watched the babe while i went to the gym for a few hours. i had a really nice long workout without being rushed and it felt amazing. after i took my grama home i cooked dinner and then my mom started teaching me how to cut out a pattern and grow it to my current size. i'm making a few dresses to wear this spring and take to the beach with me next week.
all in all it's been a productive week and i'm so proud of myself i can't begin to express it. i never imagined i could do all of this, not to mention i've started getting up at 7:30 every morning so i can make jason some coffee before work and cook breakfast for my lo.
please god, don't let me fall back into my lazy old habits. that is all.
p.s. i have a counseling appointment on tuesday with a woman who specializes in wellness and weight issues and also will do family counseling with my mom and i and i am crossing my fingers that i really like her.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
day two...i made it!
unprecedented. two blogs in a row.
but more than that, this is day three at the gym! no one can possibly imagine the sense of accomplishment that i have right now. i even got up extra early this morning to send the husband off to work with his daily coffee and fed rocco extra early so i could take him with me and put him in child watch while i was there. i really thought he was going to freak out because he's never been left with anyone except immediate family and even then he sometimes gets upset but there were other kids there and he was off without a second glance at mommy. it made me both proud and terribly sad. i dread the first day of school.
i am on fire! i just need to stay strong so that i can keep up this momentum. working out is getting a lot easier than it was three days ago and i find myself wanting to push myself harder and wanting to go back even though i've already been once in the day. this is ludicrous! who is this pod person that they put in my body and what did they do with teresa??
after my workout this morning, i went and picked rocco up from the daycare and took him to the pool. we sat in the slanted entry and he splashed and played and then i took him into the deeper area and held him while i walked backwards so he could get the feel of gliding through the water and he loved it until he started getting cold. i have the coldest baby ever. he's always shivering. do they make fleece bathing suits? i kid. i kid. i know they only make them in flannel.
right now he is eating a banana next to me while i write this and then it's nap time.
tonight i am going to the bar with my bestie. it will be my first night out in almost a year, which i don't mind because i don't really have the desire to go out anymore, but it will be fun to get a little sloshy and dance and rocco will be in bed before i go out and his grammy will be here.
next week we are supposed to go the beach with the rest of my family but i don't know if jason will be able to get the time off of work and i really don't want to go without him. he has missed a lot of rocco's "firsts" and i don't want him to miss his first time at the beach. also i don't think i would have as much fun without him, i would feel like the lonely odd man out while everyone else is partnered up. we'll see what happens.
but more than that, this is day three at the gym! no one can possibly imagine the sense of accomplishment that i have right now. i even got up extra early this morning to send the husband off to work with his daily coffee and fed rocco extra early so i could take him with me and put him in child watch while i was there. i really thought he was going to freak out because he's never been left with anyone except immediate family and even then he sometimes gets upset but there were other kids there and he was off without a second glance at mommy. it made me both proud and terribly sad. i dread the first day of school.
i am on fire! i just need to stay strong so that i can keep up this momentum. working out is getting a lot easier than it was three days ago and i find myself wanting to push myself harder and wanting to go back even though i've already been once in the day. this is ludicrous! who is this pod person that they put in my body and what did they do with teresa??
after my workout this morning, i went and picked rocco up from the daycare and took him to the pool. we sat in the slanted entry and he splashed and played and then i took him into the deeper area and held him while i walked backwards so he could get the feel of gliding through the water and he loved it until he started getting cold. i have the coldest baby ever. he's always shivering. do they make fleece bathing suits? i kid. i kid. i know they only make them in flannel.
right now he is eating a banana next to me while i write this and then it's nap time.
tonight i am going to the bar with my bestie. it will be my first night out in almost a year, which i don't mind because i don't really have the desire to go out anymore, but it will be fun to get a little sloshy and dance and rocco will be in bed before i go out and his grammy will be here.
next week we are supposed to go the beach with the rest of my family but i don't know if jason will be able to get the time off of work and i really don't want to go without him. he has missed a lot of rocco's "firsts" and i don't want him to miss his first time at the beach. also i don't think i would have as much fun without him, i would feel like the lonely odd man out while everyone else is partnered up. we'll see what happens.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
today is wednesday, and this is where i am...
yet again, here i go trying to keep a blog and actually keep up with it...we'll see how long it lasts this time.
this is my year. and if it's not, i'm going to make it my year.
i'm about to turn 28. i have the most amazing one year old boy in the world. i have a husband whom i love and love to make silly faces at. we are not perfect and i am certainly not perfect but we make it work. we've been married for a little over five years now and showing no signs of stopping. that in itself is more than i could ask for.
my day to day consists of mothering, cleaning and keeping up the house and crafting of some kind. i intend to eventually sell said crafts but in reality i will probably just end up with a bunch of stuff because i lack follow through. it's my cross to bear and i'm not ashamed to admit it. i have all the best intentions in the world, but like this blog...i get distracted and forget to finish.
rocco (my little guy) is thriving. he will be 14 months next week and he is turning into quite the tiny human. i couldn't have asked for a better baby and no one hesitates to tell me so. he walks but doesn't have words yet, which is the most frustrating aspect in our relationship but i know he'll be talking all too soon and then the real fun will start and i'll be begging for the days when all he could do was point at the things and make mouth noises.
jason (the husband) works close to seventy hours a week, sometimes more and sometimes less. it's stressful on both of us and takes it's toll on our relationship and his relationship with rocco but i think he does the best job he can at juggling everything and i'm grateful to have a husband who will work his ass off so that i can stay home and give our son all the attention he needs.
did i mention that my husbands nineteen year old brother lives with us? because he does. and THAT is a whole other can of worms.
another thing you should know about me is that i am a big ol' fattie. i say this in the kindest of ways to myself. it's the biggest struggle in my life and by struggle i mean i have cleaned out a half a dozen donuts in one sitting and then berated myself for it because i'm so guilty. i don't eat because i LOVE food (though i do love it) and i don't eat emotionally, i'm a boredom eater which for a southern housewife is the WORST category of eater.
in the last month i resolved to quit smoking, which i have done, cold turkey. no big. and i started a supervised weight loss program that i had to quit after two weeks because the restrictive diet was not only turning me diabetic but also making me weak and causing my limbs to go numb. my sister recently had gastric bypass and swears it's the bee's knees but surgery freaks me out so i refuse to go there until a last resort, which means i'm almost there.
in the meantime i'm giving a real shot to diet and exercise, something i've never done seriously before. i got myself a ymca membership and downloaded a calorie tracker to my phone and now i'm on the high road to weight loss! i hope. this is no longer me wanting to be skinny jenkins so that i can stop looking at myself and trying to find things i still find attractive. this has become a matter of health most importantly and also me not wanting to be the fat mom at the park sitting on her ass unable to chase after her kids. i refuse to have my son be ashamed of me or embarrassed by me no matter how much he loves me.
so, today is wednesday, and this is where i am...i wonder where i will be tomorrow.
this is my year. and if it's not, i'm going to make it my year.
i'm about to turn 28. i have the most amazing one year old boy in the world. i have a husband whom i love and love to make silly faces at. we are not perfect and i am certainly not perfect but we make it work. we've been married for a little over five years now and showing no signs of stopping. that in itself is more than i could ask for.
my day to day consists of mothering, cleaning and keeping up the house and crafting of some kind. i intend to eventually sell said crafts but in reality i will probably just end up with a bunch of stuff because i lack follow through. it's my cross to bear and i'm not ashamed to admit it. i have all the best intentions in the world, but like this blog...i get distracted and forget to finish.
rocco (my little guy) is thriving. he will be 14 months next week and he is turning into quite the tiny human. i couldn't have asked for a better baby and no one hesitates to tell me so. he walks but doesn't have words yet, which is the most frustrating aspect in our relationship but i know he'll be talking all too soon and then the real fun will start and i'll be begging for the days when all he could do was point at the things and make mouth noises.
jason (the husband) works close to seventy hours a week, sometimes more and sometimes less. it's stressful on both of us and takes it's toll on our relationship and his relationship with rocco but i think he does the best job he can at juggling everything and i'm grateful to have a husband who will work his ass off so that i can stay home and give our son all the attention he needs.
did i mention that my husbands nineteen year old brother lives with us? because he does. and THAT is a whole other can of worms.
another thing you should know about me is that i am a big ol' fattie. i say this in the kindest of ways to myself. it's the biggest struggle in my life and by struggle i mean i have cleaned out a half a dozen donuts in one sitting and then berated myself for it because i'm so guilty. i don't eat because i LOVE food (though i do love it) and i don't eat emotionally, i'm a boredom eater which for a southern housewife is the WORST category of eater.
in the last month i resolved to quit smoking, which i have done, cold turkey. no big. and i started a supervised weight loss program that i had to quit after two weeks because the restrictive diet was not only turning me diabetic but also making me weak and causing my limbs to go numb. my sister recently had gastric bypass and swears it's the bee's knees but surgery freaks me out so i refuse to go there until a last resort, which means i'm almost there.
in the meantime i'm giving a real shot to diet and exercise, something i've never done seriously before. i got myself a ymca membership and downloaded a calorie tracker to my phone and now i'm on the high road to weight loss! i hope. this is no longer me wanting to be skinny jenkins so that i can stop looking at myself and trying to find things i still find attractive. this has become a matter of health most importantly and also me not wanting to be the fat mom at the park sitting on her ass unable to chase after her kids. i refuse to have my son be ashamed of me or embarrassed by me no matter how much he loves me.
so, today is wednesday, and this is where i am...i wonder where i will be tomorrow.
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